Disociate Identity Disorder

So what is Dissociate Identity Disorder?  It's actually what use to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. When people hear this, they think of the extreme causes they have heard about on the news and the outrageous Hollywood portrayal. And on top of this, many doctors don't even believe it exists. But here I sit, with my own diagnosis of it. And it does NOT look like it does on TV. Also, I don't usually lose large spaces of time or not know when I "change" over.  Often my changes are subtle. I start to feel small. I speak in  a child's voice with a child's words. I know what is happening but I don't have control of it. Sometimes I become angry and spiteful. I feel as if I am watching what is happening. The different parts of me sometimes fight among themselves. It can get loud in my head. Often times I hear opinions other than mine slipping out. I work hard to stay present. Sometimes Dissociating is as simple as staring into space. sometimes I come back into conversations and have no clue what has been said or what I am talking about. In the movies the host often has no knowledge of the other personalities. They always show them losing days at a time and often living a double life. One in which is normal and sane and another where they are wild or evil. Its not often like that. Though there have been occasions where I completely lost time.  At one point in my life, I went crazy. I have very few memories of about 6 months. And the ones I do have are mostly fuzzy. Every now and then a memory from that time will hit me and I am literally sick to my stomach at some of the things that happened and things that I did. I was literally a different person then. Now I have more control over it and the voices are quieter. Most the time. But they are still there. I always felt them there. But because I didn't "change' like people on TV do, I never really believed they were real. When I began with my present therapist she helped me to realize that they are real. And they are all a part of me. Not separate people. Although they are "separate". But they are part of me. They were born from a need to protect myself when i was a child. From many things. But apparently they are now more of a hindrance than a help. sometimes I like having them here. They keep me from feeling so alone. But at the same time, part of me is a real bitch and I don't like her But she stands up for me. And the child part of me can be whinny and demanding but also loves to play with the kids. And then part of me is wild, loves attention and is a tease. I have no use for her anymore. She is my rebellion. This is my life. This is real to me. and though it is not TV worthy, it can really interfere with my life. I am working to make myself whole again. keep what is needed and let go of what is not. I am not crazy nor do I make this up. The ones who know me best recognize the changes. Even when I don't myself.  Support is important. If your family, know that your support means everything. That does not mean you have to enable the bad behavior but when your loved one is having a hard time and trying, your support means everything and if you have mental problems of any kind and you have a support system cause the people you know suck and are not willing to help, well, I'm here.