Still here

I know it's been a while since I posted. I didn't mean for it to go that way, but sometimes I just quit doing anything. I don't want to so much as leave my room. My bedroom is just fine. I would never leave if I could get away with it. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I am tired, and I am in pain. Both mentally and physically. I feel so alone and so misunderstood. I want to go back on medication, but I recently learned that my husband would prefer I not. I know he wouldnt try to stop me, but I respect his opinion enough to try to get through on my own. He says he likes me better when I am not medicated. What he don't understand is that when I am not medicated I feel so depressed. Sometimes so much so that if I was not afraid of dying, I would kill myself. I miss my blades alot right now and I know I can't go back to those either. I need to feel alive again. My kids just went back to school and I hate that. I didn't want school to start back so soon. Now three out of four of my children are gone durng the day. And speaking of school, money is so tight we couldn't get them all of their school supplies and no new clothes to start the year with. We basically got them only the things that they could not do without which included a pair of shoes. I will try to update more often from now on but for now I have to go. I am really tired and my body hurts all over and I have therapy tomorrow and I have promised for the last three or four sessions that I would take some time to write, but I haven't yet. So I need to try and do that. Untill next time take care of yourself.