Would You change it if you could?

When I was young I use to fantasize that one day I would wake up, and my whole life from right before my parents divorced, up till that point would of all been a dream. Like maybe I had spent months or even years in a coma, and all those bad things never really happened. That fantasy did eventually (for the most part), fade away, but I still spent some years wishing I could go back and erase the past. I know that many of my mental health issues are either directly related to, or exacerbate by, the things that happened in my past. Bipolar Disorder is often genetic, but Bipolar's with a history of abuse tend to have more defined symptoms. And although I was abused before my parents divorced, by two of my father's brothers, I had support. My family was together. I was encouraged to talk about the abuse if I needed to, and I had my whole family standing behind me. Had it of ended there, I would have recovered and went on to lead a much more normal life. However, after the divorce, my mom married my first step dad, my dad became an alcoholic, and I went on to be abused over the course of many years by many people and in the end, began abusing myself.
I met my husband in late 98 and married him in early 99. Two years later we had our first child. And when she was two, I lost her to dfacs because I had my father caring for her while I was in school training to be an EMT. Again, after my parents divorced, my dad become an alcoholic. However when I had my daughter I told him that if he planned on being a part of his granddaughters life, the drinking had to go. All of it. And it did. But I made the mistake of mentioning in therapy that he used to be a drunk. And that he was abusive when he drank. She called dfacs and we lost our daughter. I had a mental break down. I got locked in a mental ward. When I came out, I was worse than when I went in. My bipolar went into overdrive as some of the rest of my disorders. I began cutting myself several times a day on most days. I had been a cutter before the birth of my first child but quit when I found out I was pregnant. I also had a serious suicide attempt a couple of months after we got our daughter back, and while I had attempted suicide several times before while growing up they were all half assed attempts or threats. But this time, had it not been for my loving husband I would have died. But lets fast forward 7 years or so. We now have four children and have been married over 13 years. But getting to the original question ( yeah I went around my elbow to get here and still didn't touch the tip of the iceberg) If I could go back and change it, the things in my past, would I still do it? The answer to that use to be a resounding "Yes!". But now, I don't think so. Everything that's happened to me has led me to the road I am on now. If the things that happened hadn't of, I would probably of never left school, or traveled to Nashville where I met my husband. I would not have gotten married at 17 and I wouldn't have my four beautiful children. I couldn't imagine my life without them or with any other man. I'm still not happy with my past, it still controls many aspects of my life. There are still a million things that I would not be dealing with had these things not happened. Of course I would probably still be bipolar, I might still have anxiety disorder and still have my physical issues but what I wouldn't have is my family. And they are worth everything that I go through, or have went through to be here. I hate myself so much sometimes. I hate the things that still haunt me. But I love my family. Sure I would of liked to of had a normal childhood, but I wouldn't change it now. How about you?