The little within

There is a part of me that is very very small. She can be temperous, sulky, playful and scared. She wants her way sometimes, even when her way is not good for anyone. She whines for the things she wants, and sometimes cries for the things she can't have. She craves attention and love. She likes to play with others. but often times she feels so alone. She wants someone to care for her. To make her feel safe. But I am not sure if she will ever feel safe. I scream at that little girl all the time. I tell  her to stop being so weak. Quit acting like the child your are. But she wants to come out and play. She wants someone to listen  to her. And I think it's time I start. She has fun playing with my children, and she loves to talk about her cats and sometimes she needs to talk about the things that happened to us. I know she's there. I can feel her presents and sometimes, I can hear her. Who knows what might come of this? Maybe I'll start working with her. Maybe I will continue to tell her to grow up. But this little girl is a part of me. A part of me that will always be there unless I heal the hurt.

Have you heard of Virtuous Pedophiles?

So somehow recently I come across an article about a website called Virtuous Pedophiles. And I thought,  " Virtuous pedophiles? Yeah right".  But as a read the article I became intrigued and decided to check out the website. I looked it over and in what ( for me) was a bold move, I emailed one of the owners. I asked if he would mind corresponding with me and answering some questions. He replied back and agreed. When asked to explain the point of his ( and his partners) website he replied back " Our position as an organization, is that sexual activity between adults and children is always a bad idea, and we don't condone it, even if  a girl said it was  OK at the time."
The more we "talked" the more intrigued I became. Most people seem to equate the  word "child molester" with Pedophile. Now I've realized for a while that not all child molesters were pedophiles, but now I am learning, that apparently, not all pedophiles become child molesters. Many pedophiles lead law abiding lives, but still believe that, if it were legal, then a " consensual" adult/child relationship would be OK. The members of Virtuous Pedophiles do not agree.  Mr. Ethan Edwards, co-founder of the site, says that " No one knows in advance that there will be no harm and the risk of harm is just too great." He went on to say " When some pedophile says it might not be so harmful to a girl if she was OK with it, I see that as something that is centered on the needs of the pedophile. From the point of view of the girl, the main question shouldn't be whether it wouldn't be harmful. The question is what benefit there would be to her, and what the risk of harm is and that's still quite high."
This website and it's member are also against child porn. They do not make it, or use it. They see it for what it is, abuse of a child, even if they are not the one's taking it, they believe looking at it is promoting child abuse.
As do most pedophiles, this group believes that they are born with this sexual orientation, just as homosexual are born attracted to the same sex, and heterosexuals are born attracted to the opposite.  The difference is, they do not believe those urges should be acted upon. So what do you think? Is it possible for a pedophile to be virtuous? Or does their  attraction to children alone make them unworthy of understanding? Do you believe it is possible to be a pedophile and not offend against children? Let me know what you think.

It's Been A While

I know I have not been on lately, but that's due to lack of Internet. This have been difficult around here in ways that I just cannot explain. I seriously need to win about 5000 dollars off the lottery. So much I want to get done and need to get done and bills to catch up on.  Let's make that 10000 so that I can go on vacation as well. I want my kids to see the ocean and I want to take them alot of cool places as summer is about over. We haven't had the money to do anything.  I want to be able to get the pool up and running and it don't look like we are going to be able to do that without professional help. Anyway, my issues have been acting up lately. Due to a recent incident at the house I have found myself wanting more and more to do something crazy, but I am holding strong. Anyway that is all for now. I will post more tomorrow as I do have something I would like to share. Until then, be safe, take care, and know that there is someone out here who can identify with what you are feeling and experiencing.