Hospitalization for me and Dad

So as you know, lately I have been having some health problems. Well, I ended up in the ER where they admitted me for five days. I was badly dehydrated and my potassium was too low along with the heart issues. The good news is I am feeling much better since they started me back on my klonipin. Not so much problems with racing heart or pounding. Still some but not bad. The bad thing with me is today I have been in so much pain with the fibromyalgia. Weather change I guess. More bad news is that Dad's last scan showed that the cancer has already come back. He went in to Tuesday to have it removed again. Thankfully he came through the surgery great and came home Friday. He has staples in his head and he don't feel too good but he's healing well. I know this means that things are going worse and that he may not have as long as we thought but I am not going to let him  go without a fight. I need my dad. For all the bad from being a child, he is a good dad and grandfather now. I can not lose him. I need him to fight but I am afraid the fight is gone. I have to give him reason to fight. Any ideas? Also, I want to find Ricky again. He was one of my worse abusers and I need to see him to know that I am still safe from him. He is a part of my soul and I will never be rid of him so I need to know where he is and know that he don't know where I am. I am so tired. My body is still recovering. I am officially under 100 pounds and am just so stressed and tired. Can anyone relate? Does anyone read this? Does anyone understand how I feel? Anyway, as always, take care and stay safe. I am trying hard to stay away from cutting and my blades. So if anyone wants to talk I am here.