Being alone

I have many fears now. It seems  the older I get the more paranoid I get. I need space, I need a break from those around me sometimes and yes this includes my children. I need time to myself to unwind and not do anything. But I am deeply bothered by being alone. I am afraid when I am away from my family that something horrible will happen to them and I won't reach them in time. I hate being by myself too. All the what ifs that could happen. I hate being with my younger two children without someone reasonably responsible being present. I am afraid that I will have seizure and there will be no one to take care of the kids till I come around. And as anyone who has had a seizure can tell you, when you first come to, you are disoriented and confused. Things don't quiet seem right or real. Everything is off. I hate driving anywhere by myself because of the fear of seizures or crashing in general. I have so many fears that prevent me from doing the things I really want to do. And some that prevent me from doing the things I need to do. I don't want to be alone. I'm already alone in my mind as no one understands what its like. Cant understand why my mind works the way it does. I'm alone all the time. Even in a crowded room. Logically, I know I am loved. I know I have people who care about me, other wise they would have never put up with me this long. But there's this part of me that constantly tells me that if people don't understand me, or don't try to understand me, then they don't truly know me, and if they don't know me then how can they love me? Is it really me they love or just the image I try to present. I am sure some of you can relate to these thoughts and feeling. I know where they come from in a way, but I can't control them. I can't control the voices within me that tell me what a bad person I am and that if anyone truly knew me they could never love me. Whether it is true or not, for now, I will take what I can get.