Its the ones you love that always hurt you

I had intended to do an entirely different post tonight and I will eventually get to it but right now there is something more pressing on my mind. My best friend, the one deserting me and moving across counry has completely broken my heart. He chose his friend with "benifits" over  me. I am by admission quite possessive but this is so much different. I am so stressed that I used my blades tonight. I didn't actually cut. I just scratched but I can tell I am not going to be able to hold out much longer before I go all the way. I am so sad and hurt. I will never be loved enough by anyone to come first. I really wanna do some real cutting tonight. He don't even care I dont think how much hes hurt me by choosing her over me.