Testing One...Two....Three

Is any body out there? Sometimes it seems that I am sitting in the middle of a crowded room, screaming my head off and no one even looks up. It feels like that alot lately. I have become so adepted at hiding my emotions, that most of the time I have no clue what I am really feeling. The only emotion that really shows through is anger. And alot of it. I feel so much rage sometimes I think I may burst into tiny peices and scatter. and speaking of scattering, my thoughts like to run ninety to nothing and in circles. Sometimes they move so fast I can't finish one subject before I am speaking for another and with in a few minutes, I have no clue where I started.
Things have been rough lately. In Febuary, I took my dad to the hospital. He had been acting kinda off hand and his speach had been mixed up. Then the headaches started. Finally they got so bad that after three days of immense pain, I talked him into getting checked out. He was sent straight from our local hospital to Erlanger where we were informed he had a mass in his left frontal lobe along with swelling on his brain. He stayed for three nights, came home for a little more than 24 hours, then went back in for surgery to remove the mass. That "mass" turned out to be a rare and aggressive form of brain cancer know as Gliosarcoma. So from there we started radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks aproximately 60 miles from where we live. He also took chemo pills at home. We have just completed the first round of treatment and now we wait. wait for the tumor to return, wait for them to tell us treatment will no longer help. Wait for what will most certainly come with in the next 12 to 18 months. The 2 year survival rate is 9 percent. The five year 2 percent. But I don't want to think about it. For as bad as things was growing up, I love my dad. He is not the same man to day as he was all those years ago. I want my children to remember him well. I have four children. One just turned 1 one is about to turn 7 one just turned 4 and one is 10. I want him to live long enough they will all remember him and how much he adores them. And I dont want to lose him. So, we skirt around whats to come and we consider the possibity that he may be that 2 percent still alive five years from now. But thats enough of that. Tune in next time for another addition of Life In My World.