And the Cradle Will Fall

So one of my favorite women came and told me that they were pregnant. I am so incredibly happy for her. But I am lately having baby fever.  But I can't have any more children. There  are many reasons for this. Let's start with my age. I am 31 years of age. Now you may say that, that isn't to old to have children, but my mother went into perimenapause in her early thirty's.  So too, does my body seem to be heading in that direction. Then we will add on the fact that I am not emotionally,financially, or physically stable right now. Throw in the four wonderful children I have already been blessed with and finally the fact that my last pregnancy was very rough on both me and the baby. From twenty weeks on she was growing two plus weeks behind and no one had much hope of her surviving the pregnancy. They induced me at 35 weeks and 5 days. Born at 4 pounds and 7 ounces, she spent 6 days in the NICU learning to control her body temperature, and to treat jaundice. We were very blessed in that she needed no help breathing, and nursed from the start. I was allowed to stay at the hospital so that I would not miss a feeding. Her pregnancy, birth, and the first few weeks, proved to me that I can't have any more babies. It's over for me. I mean, it's not like I really NEED more children. But I guess what is getting me is that the choice has been taken from me in a sense. So here I am, feeling depressed and even jealous. Why? Because it seems that so many of those around me seem to be getting what I want. I hate the fact that I am getting older. I want to stay young. I don't feel like I should be this old yet. I am greatful for my life, that I am alive to be growing older. I am just having a hard time swallowing the things getting older brings with it. Does that make sense to anyone? Can anyone relate to me?